As the celebration of Pride begins in the Capital District, I reflect back on this time last year. At the time of the Pride Festival of 2011, Marriage Equality had not yet been realized in New York State. June 12, 2011 as people celebrated in Washington Park, the New York State Legislature was preparing to wrap up for the summer. It was still uncertain if Marriage Equality would pass that session, while it had passed the Assembly before, the Senate remained a mystery. Despite Governor Cuomo's staunch support, the bill was still several votes short.
On June 13th, the day after the Pride Festival, Senator Alesi became the first Republican to announce that he would vote in favor of Marriage Equality. His vote, along with three Democrats who had formerly voted against Marriage Equality, brought the bill within two votes of passing. The next day, Senator Roy McDonald of Troy announced that he would also vote "yes" when Marriage Equality came to a vote. I had hoped that the vote might come on my birthday, June 15th, but the week ended, and the vote hadn't happened.
The following week, I anxiously followed Twitter to keep up with the news. Would Grisanti also go against the Conservatives in his party and vote "yes?" On Wednesday, June 22, I decided to answer the tweet requesting attendees at the rally at the Capitol. Without having planned anything ahead of time, I called my husband, told him why I wouldn't be home for dinner, and drove directly to Albany after work wearing my rainbow Ally pin. I had no idea where I was going once I got to the Capitol. As I passed through security, I wondered what I was getting myself into. I had attended rallies before, but always with disabilities rights groups, never on my own.
After getting through security, I met up with two young girls who were also looking for the rally. Together we headed through the halls of the Capitol building--fortunately I was familiar with the layout because my mother had worked there--until we found people chanting. People lined both sides of the halls outside of the Senate chambers, and based on the signs it was easy to see where we would want to stand. The opponents to Marriage Equality held up signs with biblical quotes, "marriage=1 man+1 woman," "You can't redefine marriage," etc. Marriage Equality proponents held signs explaining that "Love is love","Equality for ALL Families," "Marriage Now!" and asking "Did we vote on your marriage?" I was thrilled to see someone from my church there with his daughter, and I stood next to them chanting.
A woman came up to me and asked me why I was supporting the bill. I told her that everyone deserved the same rights. She then inquired if I knew any "ho-mo-sexuals" in a very demeaning tone. "Yes, I have friends and family that are gay and lesbian," I replied, "and gay and lesbian aren't bad words. You can say them." She walked away. That was really the only direct encounter I had with an opponent that night. At one point we went into the Senate chamber, hoping for a vote, but it didn't happen. The Senate would come to session for a short time, then take a recess. Finally at 10pm, knowing I had to work the next day, I went home.
I was unable to go to the Capitol the next day, due to work and teaching in the evening, and I was sure the vote would happen then, but it didn't. Friday I was prepared. I made a sign, let my husband know that I wouldn't be home until late, and packed up some comfortable clothes to change into. I still expected that the vote would happen before I could arrive, but I kept checking Twitter, and by 5pm it still hadn't occurred. Again I made the trek down to the Capitol and through security. This time I found the group near the stairwell. Again, I saw the man I knew from church, and also a woman I graduated from my social work program with, as well. I also saw the two young women I had met two days before. We were chanting and singing, with State Troopers making sure we didn't block traffic. Across from us, opponents sang hymns and chanted as well. Occasionally some of them would come and stand with us, holding their signs in front of ours. One woman came and stood in front of me while I was trying to hold a banner...we tried to hold it over her head, but she was taller, so she still blocked it, so we had to satisfy ourselves we drowning her out with our singing. I held up my sign as high as I could--she had a large Tea Party sign and I was holding a Marriage = heart + heart sign over her head. As the night wore on, it seemed that our numbers swelled. the opponents who tried to "infiltrate" our ranks drifted back to the other side.
It was a long night, but we were buoyed by passion, camaraderie, and the water and snacks that were passed out. We followed the happenings on the Senate floor through Twitter and updates from people who were in the Senate balcony. I texted my friends to share my experience.At one point, we thought the vote was happening, but the we got word that they were voting on amendments to the bill. We were told that some opponents were praying for us--I looked over, and many were on their knees on the hard concrete floor. I looked at them and I saw fear...fear?
For two days I had stood across from these people, wondering where the hatred had come from, wondering how they could be so motivated to deny rights to other human beings and suddenly it became clear. Someone had somehow convinced them that passage of this bill would actually change their world in a horrible, scary way. I couldn't understand the hatred...but I also couldn't understand the fear. How could someone be so afraid of granting another person the same rights they already have? Looking at the fear in their eyes, and the hope in the eyes of those around me, I saw such a dichotomy...and I could not fathom how anyone could witness that hope and feel fear.
Suddenly the word came that the vote was happening. I tried to keep up with Twitter, but my phone battery was almost dead. Then the word was passed through the hallway and the staircase...Marriage Equality had passed, 33-29! I called my husband, but he couldn't hear me through the celebration. My voice was almost gone with all of the chanting and singing, anyway...so with the last gasp of my phone battery I put him on Skype so he could see for himself. There was hugging, jumping, laughing, crying, even a proposal! The New York Times captured the moment just after I finished celebrating and was standing, exhausted, wondering what to do next. (Just once, I would love a newspaper to get a good picture of me!)
Last night, I was at church with the friends I had been texting from the rally. They were married this past September, thanks to Marriage Equality passing. My church hosted Johnny Blazes as part of Capital Pride. The church member who I was at the rally with came over and met my friends, and remarked about how it has almost been a year since the rally. He spoke about how we made the concrete walls of the building shake that night. And we did.
I am so proud to have been there when history was made. Yet we have so far to go. While President Obama had announced his support for Marriage Equality, DADT had been repealed and DOMA had been declared unconstitutional, North Carolina has amended its constitution to ban Marriage Equality and keep marriage between a man and a woman. Suicides of teens bullied for being gay are still reported on a regular basis. One Million Moms is boycotting JCPenney and the GAP and NOM is calling for a boycott of Starbucks. Sometimes when I read the news it's hard to remember the elation I felt the night of June 24, 2011. But then there are times, like on September 10, 2011, when I watched two of my sorority sisters get married, that the feeling of that night feels very close. And that is why I will continue to fight for equality for everyone, in every state. Because everyone deserves to have that feeling--the feeling that I had the day that I got married.
